You Look Like A Drug Addict But In A Good Way

You Look Like A Drug Addict But In A Good Way
Another night of the same ole shit, sitting in a bar waiting on my Dealer, who is only two hours late. This means he should be here within the next hour or he's definitely a no show. You'd think night after night of the same bullshit routine I'd become bored and find a new disgusting lifestyle to imitate.  No, I keep convincing myself there's another chapter hidden among the excrement and sewage of this kind of existence. Truth is, more than enough research has been gathered for my next book. I've always been ready to leave. I just never have been prepared to go.  I look at my watch. I'm a fucking junkie for Christ's sake, I don't own a watch. Just checking to make sure you're paying attention.
On top of being pissed off my dealer is late, I hate this fucking bar. It stinks of stale beer, vomit and  sewage. There's always a drunk hovering around asking you to buy him a drink. Mickey the bartender hates me like I'm his redheaded stepchild but he still serves me, although with a menacing scowl. I think he might be spitting or pissing in my cocktail. I don't ever take my eyes off of him while he's mixing my drink. It'd be so much smarter to order a beer if I suspect him of fucking with my drink. But I've got a small flask of Scotch hidden in my jacket and I refresh my cocktail often, save on the overhead.He carries a grudge because I used to fuck his girlfriend, Veronica a year before he even met her. And it doesn't help that whenever she notices me she runs over and gives me a hug and a kiss. I'm sure it just pisses him off even more.This place is full of addicts, drunks, losers, and 'once had or once was' bullshit artists.  Almost everyone has a 'I once was or once had' story. You can tell it's bullshit because first of all, they aren't competent raconteurs. Plus they have no idea what they're talking about. Their tale is riddled with incorrect information and erroneous factswhich is an obvious indication their story is bullshit. I don't mind some embellishment; it adds a bit of color to the story. I usually don't say anything or challenge their abstract data. There are  times I have to question  the authenticity of what I'm certain is a fabricated yarn. To tell them it's all bullshit. Besides, it makes me feel better letting them know I don't believe their bullshit and  I'm aggravated that they thought I was  ignorant enough to believe them.  After it's all said and done, I'm gratified knowing I didn't let myself be fooled by one of these pathetic barflys. However, I realize they most likely view me in the same light.  Here I am another hapless chump, a member of the same club, gathered together here at the clubhouse. Acting as though we're friends. I don't need any friends. I'm the only friend I've got and I'm not sure he's one I can trust.I check my thinning bankroll to be sure I've got enough to complete the deal. Then of course I'm faced with a dilemma which is a common event. I discover  there's just enough cash to buy.a paper from Jenk, my Street Pharmacist but I need to pay for my last drink. I won't have enough to score if I pay my tab. Jenk, my dealer, is all about business. He seldom fronts dope, plus I told him on the phone I was liquid and I had all the cash.Goddamn I'm tripping over four  dollars. There once was a time I had beaucoup cash… example of a 'once had'.Then the solution to my problem comes gliding through the door but with a date for the evening. I don't like seeing Jessica when she's working, it makes for an awkward situation. And there's rules for when this kind of quandary occurs. The most important thing is when she's with a date, never talk or start a conversation with her. A simple hello is okay. There are other regulations she mentioned but I've forgotten what they are. There has to be a way to get a message to Jessica to pay my bar tab. She'd get so pissed if I walked up  and asked. That would be a direct violation of prostitute protocol. My penalty would be brutal and severe with at least a week of nasty looks, snide remarks, endless chores and no sex. Come on Santi you've got this, think.They're sitting right across from me in a booth.Jessica acts as though she hasn't noticed me. She starts a flirtatious dialogue with her surprisingly handsome date, rubbing his back then slides her hands under the table thinking it may make me jealous and I'll leave. Honestly I'm not jealous at all. She chooses to be with me. I really don't care.
There's no possible way for me to nonchalantly stroll by and hand her a note. Maybe I could walk by pretending to be in a serious conversation on my phone explaining my predicament  just loud enough for her to hear. That's a solid plan that won't violate her rules. Now I just need a phone. Who can I borrow a phone from?Over the noise of a crowded bar, and a jukebox at full volume I hear a woman's voice hollering my name."Santi, Santi, I'm so excited to see you. Hold on, don't you go anywhere. I need to talk to you."It's Mickey's girlfriend, Veronica, the woman I mentioned earlier.She performs her  greeting exactly as I described."Santiago, you look a little on the rough side. Are you okay? Honey, you're burnt out, bags under your eyes, your hair all messed up and you're really skinny. Are you eating or are you strung out?"" Gee Veronica, what a wonderful greeting. Thanks for your descriptive assessment of my appearance.""I'm sorry honey. I'm worried about you, that's all. You need to  take care of yourself." "Listen angel, I don't want Mick to get pissed off because you're talking with me. He's the jealous type and guys like that go psycho  when they feel threatened. I'd rather not get into a confrontation with your muscle bound ex linebacker" "Don't worry about it sweety. We're not together anymore. The shithead was stealing money from me. Had another Debit Card issued for my account. So I'm back on the market. Interested?""Without a doubt Goddess. But listen, I need you to help me out with a problem.""Well I see your life hasn't changed any. Just more of the same reckless mayhem."I explain my situation, asking her to go over and tell Jessica of my predicament. Hopefully she'll help me out."Forget that bitch. I don't know what you see in her anyway. She's a Goddamn whore Santi! You deserve better than some Streetwalker. She isn't good looking, speaks with that annoying southern accent and dresses like a twenty dollar prostitute. She's as dumb as a rock and will fuck anybody with a couple of dollars.""I understand what you're saying. She may be a whore but she's my whore."" What in the hell is wrong with me? I'd make a wonderful girlfriend, a loyal wife and a loving mother."" I don't doubt anything you said. You are an incredible woman;. intelligent, drop dead gorgeous, compassionate not to forget to mention an incredible lover. Listen Diosa,(Goddess)  you deserve a great boyfriend, a husband that provides safety and brings you happiness, a father that is a positive role model for your children. That's not me Veronica. I'm not that man. I'd only bring you disappointment and heartache.I love you so much I want you to find someone who more than loves you. He's your destiny, your Kismet. He's out there waiting for you. All you have to do is let it happen."She begins to cry, wrapping her arms around my waste, placing her head on my left shoulder." For a guy trying to dump  a woman, you sure pour on the sugar to cover up the sour taste of goodbye." She whispered." I'm not saying goodbye. We'll always be friends. I  don't want to destroy that bond."She gives me a kiss that takes me away. I'm in ecstasy. In all my years I've never experienced such passion, such emotion from another's lips." Diosa, that kiss, that kiss, it was magical. I don't think I have ever been kissed like that before". " Santiago, Let's get out of here and go to my place. I want you to do me and never stop. Please baby, please!" She whines in a sexy voice." You don't have to ask me twice. I'm on board, we can set sail as soon as I find a solution to my conundrum. Gotta pay my bar tab and I've been waiting for Jenk to show up for two hours. I'll be sick tomorrow morning if I don't re-up. You understand, don't you?"She puts her hands around my neck acting like she's choking me." Goddamn it Santiago, you're killing yourself with that shit. You're shooting death into your veins, it's a long drawn out  way of suicide. You don't want to die, do you? I'll pay your bar tab. How much is it?'" She says while searching through her purse. " Four or five bucks or so. I don't know for sure."" Here baby, just take this." She whispers, handing me a ten dollar bill."Veronica, I don't want …"  I try to object, but she interrupts me in mid sentence" Just take it. I remember when I was down and out, you helped pay my rent, my car payment and bought groceries. Look at it as paying you back."" Well if you're paying me back, it was much more than ten dollars." I comment in a joking manner while laughing." Always with the comedian routine. Go pay the bar. Go on."She slaps my ass.I elbow my way into a space at the bar and call Mickey for my tab." He trots over with a small piece of paper in his hand." It's four fifty, six with tip."He yells." So it's customary to ask for your gratuity now? Give me back a five." I say handing him the ten dollar bill.He runs back and slaps down two dollars in change with three singles. I hand the change back to Veronica but she refuses to accept it." Just keep it Santiago, buy yourself something to eat later."" Thanks angel, but what about Jenk? "" I've got a surprise for you."She mentions while grabbing my hand, pulling me toward the back door.""What's the surprise?,"She stops and whispers." When my father died of cancer in December."" I heard. It's difficult to accept."" Never cared for him much. My sister was his favorite. Anyway, after he died, my mom was going to throw away his medicine but I said I could donate it to the Free Clinic. So she gave it to me. I've got Dilaudid, Morphine liquid in the bottle and thirty milligram Oxycodones, a full bottle. Willthat do the trick?"" Do the trick? That's the entire magic show. That'll do perfectly. Screw Jenk, let's giddy up." It appears as though I've hit the Jackpot tonight. I was going to score, go home, get high and nod out to the television. Then I'd wait on Jessica to get back with a pizza, I think that's what we agreed on. We step outside into the parking lot and there's Jessica smoking a cigarette. "What do you think you're doing? Where are you going with this makeup magnet?" "We're headed to Toby's Circus Bar to see her boyfriend's band. They're playing there at 11:00. Is that okay with you mom?" Don't be a smart ass. I come in here with a date and see you staring at me with a sad puppy dog face." " That's not true I may have had a depressing expression on my face but it wasn't because you're here with limp dick Larry. Jenk is two hours late and I'm not feeling well. If you have to know a guy that plays in the band sells Okys. And that is the main reason we're going there." "Santiago I'm going to my car. Let me know if you're coming." Veronica informs me. "Give me a minute I'm coming with you." " I don't understand you. One minute you want me to leave, next minute you don't want me to go. Which is it Jessica? I'm suppose to sit there and watch you cozy up to some guy that you are going to fuck later, but I can't spend time with a friend without you getting upset and jealous. It's a crazy and unfair situation. I've never said anything about your work. Nothing, but you want to control my every move. We're going to have to rethink this relationship or whatever it is. I'll catch you later Jessica. Be safe."   "I'm sorry Santiago. You're right I'll see at home later? "I keep walking without turning back or answering.I slide in Veronica's car and she smiles then squeezes my hand."Everything okay? Still want to come with me?"" Everything is dandy angel. Do you still live at the same place?""No, I moved after I broke up with Mickey." She stares at me in a loving way. Then with her finger she moves back the hair hanging over my forehead. "Santiago, you look like a drug addict but in a good way.""Gee, thanks Veronica."